YOU PROVED ME WRONG !!!

I woke up with headache, like any other day, at six in the morning and called out Mahira for my tea. It was rarely, though, as I have always found Mahira standing with the tea as soon as I would open my eyes. Not finding any signs of her presence a sudden gush of feeling took over me which reminded me of the incident that took place last night. All of a sudden the entire episode flashed before my eyes. I came home drunk last night for the first time and instead of letting me in, she was standing there at the door with all the anger she could hold against me.

"Did you drink?" she asked folding her hands.

"Yes, I did. So?" I replied pushing her aside to enter the house.

"So? You are asking this to me? Don't you realize that this isn't a proper behavior?" she said blocking my way.

"Ahhh...Really? So, now you would be guiding me about what's proper and what's not, right?"

She couldn't speak further but I could see tears in her eyes which she was trying hard to stop. I got my chance to enter the house. I entered the house pushing her aside. She stood there for a while and then came back to where I was sitting after closing the door. She sat at my feet and holding my hand said as calmly as she could,

"Listen I am not trying to preach you or something but drinking is not good. You know that, right? You never drank before. Is everything alright?"

I jerked off her hands. Her behavior made me even angrier and I blurted out everything I had against her.

"Yeah. You are right. I have never done that before and now that I have done, it's all because of you. You are the biggest and only trouble in my life. My life has been made hell since I got married to you. I never wanted someone like you in my life. I mean look at you. You have neither style nor grace. You are nothing more than a typical housewife. All you know is to cook, clean and do other household stuff. Do you have any idea about life beyond what you do? I got many marriage proposals from girls of my standard but I have no clue why my parents chose you over others."

"You are drunk. Let's discuss this tomorrow. You should take rest I guess." she said in a trembling voice.

"No. I am perfectly alright and I know what I am saying. It's getting on my nerves now and I can't take it anymore. Let me finish with whatever I want to say because it's now or never. I always wanted someone smart, happening, working and whom I could introduce proudly to everyone I know. But look at you! You are exactly opposite of what I always wanted. To be precise I hate you being around. I hate everything you do for me. I just hate everything about you so much so that I can't tolerate you in my life."

As soon as I finished, I looked at her for her response. Surprisingly, contrary to how I actually expected her to respond, she stood up and went to her room (Yes, you guessed it right! We had separate rooms). She returned with a bag in her hand after half an hour. Without speaking a word to me she walked straight to the door, opened the door, turned back and said,

"I don't want to be a reason for your troubles. So, it's better for both of us not to stay together anymore. But in case you need anything do remember that I am just a call away."

And she left. She left me. She left my house. She left the space she shared with me in the name of marriage. In short, I was left alone. Suddenly, the sound of the walk clock brought me back to the present again. As I was getting ready for the office there were many questions running through my mind. Why did Mahira leave? She had been good to me then why do I hate her that much? What were my actual feelings about her not being around? I wasn't sure that I was happy or sad or just no feeling at all. Was it intentional what all I did, just to make sure that she leaves me? And finally, was I missing her? I didn't have answer to all these questions except for the last one about which I was definitely sure. Obviously not! Missing her would be the last thing in this world that I could think of. Thinking this way gave me a certain surety about me being happy and peaceful about Mahira's absence. I was happy about not being forced to have my breakfast and carry that stupid lunch prepared by her. Though it started on a note of uncertainty, I actually started loving my new found freedom. I left for my office happily for the first time in the past one and a half years.

Another two months following Mahira's departure were a period complete bliss. I started waking up at 8 in the working and leave for the office after getting ready. I also started taking breakfast and lunch outside and was quite happy about it as it gave me a variety of options to eat. I had every reason to be happy. But gradually I don't know what took over me and I started getting bored with what all I was enjoying till now. The variety of food at hotel started giving me the look saying "Ah..You're here again!" I don't know exactly what, but there was some change in me which only I could notice. I did't have any concrete rationale to define those changes but the only concrete thing that marked the actual realization of the change in some way was when I met my previous maid while going to office. It happened a week ago. I was already getting late for the office when this previous maid of mine named Maya, who used to work for me when I was unmarried. When Mahira came to stay with me, she insisted that she doesn't need Maya anymore. Although it was embarrassing for me to tell her that her services are not required now, I had to do it because of Mahira. I hated Mahira for that. I knew just because Mahira doesn't work, she wanted to do the household work to prove that she isn't useless completely or may be she wanted to save money for her shopping and stuff. Any ways after telling Maya not to come to my home for work anymore I always avoided any direct confrontation with her as I couldn't face her. I always carried that guilt in me and all that was because of Mahira. I happened to meet Maya the week before and even though I tried my best to ignore her, she called out,

"Bhaia! How are you? How is Mahira bhabhi?"

"Oh Maya. Is that you? I couldn't recognize you. I am good. Bhabhi is not here these days. She has gone to visit her parents. How are you?" I replied.

"I'm fine too. How are you managing without bhabhi alone? Shall I come to help you out until bhabhi comes back?"

"No. Not at all! I'm managing well. Thank you. And I am really sorry for what I did to you. I am really grateful for your offer." I was surprised to see her warmth towards us after all that.

"No bhaia. I'm not that great. I was angry when you asked me to leave the job but bhabhi called me and spoke to me once. She used to pay my daughter's school fees even though I wasn't working. She also used to teach my daughter in the evening. And every time I offered her help she used to refuse by saying that she loves doing things for you and your home on her own. I'll tell you something bhaia. Mahira bhabhi is really nice. You are lucky to have her."

"Ummm. Yeah. Okay. I'll leave because I'm getting late for the office."

"Okay bhaia. Call me whenever you need my help." she said smilingly.

"Yeah, sure." I left for office. But I couldn't concentrate on my work or on anything for that matter. Maya's words were echoing in my mind again and again. All of a sudden I got reminded of Mahira and of the day she left me. I forced myself not to think anything like that and continued working. It was then that Samar came to my desk to call me to join them for lunch. I brushed aside the thoughts of Mahira completely and went for lunch. But as it is said that destiny has its own way, Mahira was again brought into our conversation. I ordered fried rice, Samar asked for a veg meal, Rajesh had biryani and Sameer surprised us by saying that he won't eat anything.

"No yaar. I ain't feeling well. Don't feel like eating anything."

"Why? What happened? Anything serious?" I asked anxiously.

"No, it's not like that. Its just that I have been eating outside for a long time now and my stomach is upset. I don't even feel like looking at the outside food. I really miss my mom's food."

"Hey it's okay. Did you take any medicine? Bhabhi is there at home, right? Why didn't you tell this to her. She could have done something because you won't get any better skipping meals like this."Samar said.

"I could have told this to Jaya only if she had time to listen. She is so busy in her life that she hardly has any time left to think about me or my well-being. I mean, I don't blame her for that because I know about her job and work pressure. We tried many maids for cooking and household work but nothing seemed to help." replied dull and hopeless Sameer.

"I understand. Don't worry. Have medicine and I suggest you to take rest for few days. You'll be okay." I told Sameer consolingly.

"Yeah. I hope the same. But hey, I wanted to ask you something. As far as I remember you always used to bring lunch box except for the last two months. Why is that? Isn't Mahira bhabhi around or she also started working somewhere?"

"Oh yes. Mahira isn't around. She went to her parents place for some time." I replied.

"Oh okay. I thought she joined somewhere because it's difficult to convince educated women to stay at home and be a housewife. Sometimes I feel like I should have married a girl with less education or shouldn't have married at all." Sameer said laughing slyly.

Lunch was over. We came back to our respective seats but I couldn't help thinking about Mahira. I felt like I have been possessed by her. I tried as hard as I could to concentrate on my work but couldn't. Unable to stay there anymore I sought my Boss's permission and left for home. As soon as I reached home I made myself a cup of tea and sat in the drawing room still restless about something I wasn't sure. I was lost in my thoughts when all of a sudden my eyes fell on Mahira's room. Looking at her room I got reminded that I have never been to that room since she occupied it. Curiously, I entered the room. As I switched on the light of the room I was surprised to find that a part of my house had such a beautiful corner. Everything in that room was so beautiful and nicely placed. I wondered how I never got to see this for the past one and a half years. May be the dull and darker side of the house was prominent enough to cover the beauty of that particular corner. Mahira's room had a small bed nicely folded showing her neatness, a cupboard full of toys reflecting the child in her her, a book shelf with nice collection of books revealing her intellectual side, a row a beautiful flowers in unique vases showing the inner beauty she had and on her bedside was a picture of us taken on our wedding which revealed the hidden love she had for me. I don't know why but I could feel her presence around. Just then under one of the vases I saw a piece of paper fluttering. I made my way to that place and was surprised to find that paper as a letter Mahira had left for me before leaving. I don't know from where and why there was a smile on my face. The letter said:

"Dear Prasoon,

I am writing this because I always wanted to say these things to you. The way things have been between us since the past one and a half years, I somehow had that intuition that I would have to leave you and go but I didn't know that its going to happen so soon. Frankly speaking you have never been nice to me no matter how hard I tried to win you over. I always thought that one day everything is going to be fine and all I need to be is patient. But today when you came home drunk I am convinced that all I can do for you is to create trouble. You can never be happy when I am around. I can manage without my happiness but I can't handle your unhappiness.
                                                                    You must be wondering that why I didn't give you the letter directly. I didn't hand over the letter to you because whatever I wanted to say has no meaning unless you recognize my existence. I know that even though I shared the house with you for quite a long time, I have always been like a non-existent entity for you after all. I always had that feeling that whenever you will accept and recognize my presence, you'll definitely enter my room. I wanted you to read my letter when my existence matters to you as then only it would make sense to you.
                                                                      I wanted to say all these things to you in person since long but couldn't. I wanted to say all this before leaving but you were not in the condition to listen or understand anything. I was always taught since my very childhood to place relationship over money, society, career and other material things. I imbibed the same in all the phases of my life. It's not that I never wanted to work. It's just that I didn't let you know that. It was in fact really difficult for me to sit at home and do the maid's work when my other friends were earning name and fame working outside. I used to console myself saying that it you who matters to me more than my career and position. I was happy in doing things for you and making your life comfortable even at the cost my own happiness. But the way things turned up I guess I have been given wrong teaching till now.  So, I should rather mend my ways instead of making things difficult for you and finally decided to leave.
                                                                     That's all I guess. It was nice meeting and staying with you. You are a nice person minus the hatred you have for me. Please try and forgive me for all the troubles caused by me but trust me I always wanted your happiness and nothing else. I want you to be happy with or without me and whenever you need me as a friend I'm just a call away.

Stay blessed!!!

Yours (not sure though)

Mahira"

I couldn't believe that I had tears in my eyes. I have never cried for anything before. I sat down on my knees reading and re-reading that letter again and again. Every single moment spent with Mahira, all my misbehavior towards her, my infringements and her resilience flashed before my eyes. I folded her letter and kept it in my pocket and stood up. I had to make up for what for all I did to her. I checked her wardrobe to figure out her favorite color and was successful in the same as majority of her dresses and saris were of black color and I got reminded of how black suited her well but she would rarely wear them or may be I never noticed. I, then, rushed out of the house and looked back to kind of assure the house that I would only return with the lady with me. I went to the best possible shop, bought the best black dress they had and got it wrapped with a note saying,


" Dearest Mahira,

I don't have much to say to you. I know I have been a useless husband and I deeply apologize you for that. I always saw you standing with my cup of tea but ignored your smile. I saw your insistence on breakfast and lunch but failed to see your love behind all that. I assumed that you don't work and sit idle but never realized the reason and your pain about that. You came to me leaving your family and everything you loved behind, you ignored your own happiness to make me comfortable and look at me, instead of making things easier for you, I complicated it further. I had been a fool to hate you.
                                                                        I request you to forgive me for all my misdeeds. I know my mistakes aren't easy to forgive but I will be really thankful to you if you could. I promise you that I would never hurt you ever again. If you could forgive me, I have sent a dress along with this letter and I would love to see you dressed in that. I'll be there at your door by 7 in the evening waiting for you. If your consider me worthy enough to forgive and spend another 60-70 years of your life with me, I'll be just few steps away waiting for you.

I Hope I grow old with you.

Only Yours (and I am very sure about it),

Prasoon."

I left the packet with the note on her doorsteps, rang the bell and left. I couldn't dare to confront her. I was on the losing end now. My entire life was dependent on Mahira's decision. Waiting till 7 in the evening was like being cursed with an eternal punishment. It was like time stopped for this particular day making me even more restless. I couldn't express my feelings and anxiety in words but I felt like never before. Imagining life without Mahira seemed next to impossible. God somehow had shown mercy and finally the clock stroke five. I, unable to hold my anxiety further, was already outside Mahira's house by 5:30. I waited there for a while, though I felt like I have been waiting since ages. Anyways the clock stroke 7 and there she was standing at the door. The only glimpse of her brought tears to my eyes. How badly I have missed her all this while! I was really stupid to realize that so late. As she walked towards me it was as if she was walking the steps from my eyes to the heart.

"Hi." she said pushing a strand of her hair falling out on her face.

"Hi."I replied opening the door of the car for her and smiling.

She smiled back and sat in the car. I started driving home. Both of us couldn't speak for the entire journey except for the typical romantic bollywood songs playing in the background. There was, however, something in that silence too. The silence which sometimes speaks louder than words; the silence that makes you hear the heartbeat of the other; the silence that gives a hint that there is so much to speak but not sure about what to start with; the silence that gives overwhelming and ecstatic feeling;  and the silence that allows us a lot to speculate.  I guess it was for the first time that I had liked silence so much. I was enjoying every single second of that moment with Mahira. We finally reached home, though; I never wanted to reach that early. I opened the door of the house and let Mahira in first. She tried switching on the light but I stopped her from doing that and made her sit on the sofa. I lighted few candles and sat at her feet. She tried resisting by getting up but I forced her to sit there again and held her hand.

"Mahira, thank you so much for forgiving me and coming here. I can't thank you enough for returning back to my lifeless life and making it alive. I still can't believe that I am here with you. I missed you badly. I was so stupid, idiot, senseless, irritating, and what not. I mean how someone can be such a jerk...."

"I know. Who would know this better than me?" Mahira said interrupting me by placing her hand on my mouth.

I was taken aback and looked at her with surprise. She gave me a serious look and suddenly both of us bursted out into laughter. I looked at Mahira laughing uncontrollably. She looked so beautiful. I have never seen her that happy before. I was loving the fact that I could give her happiness she always deserved and cursed myself for being a jerk. I kept looking at her while she was laughing, with a promise to myself that I would never ever let that happiness go off her face again.