What is it like?

What is it like to be turned into someone
You never imagined yourself to be

What is it like to witness helplessly
Things changing the way it was never meant to be

What is it like to be aware of the fact that
You can't have what you ever wanted from life

What is it like to live a life
As a sum total of equal positives and equal negatives
And then realize that the positives have been negated
When it was only meant to be the other way around

What is it like to stand against everyone to standby someone
And then see yourself standing alone equidistant from everyone and someone you stood with, alike

What is it like to feel the drops of harsh and penetrating reality
From the deceitful clouds of hopes, expectations and trust

What is it like to close your eyes to the beautiful dream
Which you always believed all your life
To be able to turn into reality

What is it like to look at the same dream
Which took away from you all that you have ever been
And wonder was the dream worth leaving everything behind

What is it like to chase and struggle for something
Which should effortlessly be with you
And never find it how it was supposed to be
Only to bring you pains from the absence of those

What is it like to break yourself into pieces
To be able to be filled with love
But only to find yourself ripped apart
With the broken pieces still finding their way to come together again

What is it like to unbecome yourself
To be able to change in every possible way
And learn to coexist with the stranger under your own skin!!

This is me!!!

My camera isn't great

Nor my face perfect

But whatever I am is without any mask

And by no means fake.

I assure you of always finding me

Original and true to myself

With my heart and soul bare in front of you

If I call you my own.

You can hurt me and make me cry

But that's the only thing you can try

There is no way you can bring me down

Because giving you the chance to hurt me is my choice

But being a failure is not my type.

I have been through tumultuous times

Seen people change and well-wishers sudden confine

To their own benefits and conveniences

Without slightest mercy or consideration.

I have survived it all without changing anything I ever was

Not because it is easy to do so

But because I understand the pain

And don't want to be the kind of person

The so called wrong ones in my life had been to me!!!

I Write

When there is so much to say
But no words to express
I write.

When there are a thousand words
But all those don't conform to the
Framework of understandable 
Jargon of intercourse
 I write.

When the lava of emotions 
Erupting from heart 
Overpowers the waves of rationale and reasons 
Of the mind
I write.

When there is no one
To make myself heard
And I want to make myself audible
In the loudest possible way
I write.

When the proximity 
Of being misunderstood
Is more than the possibility
Of getting understood 
I write.

When the feelings keep me occupied
Unsure of what is wrong and what is right
When what lays ahead is a road of doubt
Over walked, discouraging and so wide
When I am not sure about something but i might
When the deepest secret urges to take the highest flight
I write!!!!





 

The First Thing

The first thing i see
When i look at you
Is an immense strength
That i can always hold on to.

The first thing i feel
When i touch you
Is a serene wave of emotions
Arisen from the boundless sea of love.

The first thing i hear 
When i listen to you
Is the only distinct voice
That keeps echoing in my mind
Among the voices of the crowd of the world.

The only thing i can make out
When i think of you
Is your inevitable presence in
Every bit of me!!!

Silence

Silence.....

Unspoken words

Or a thunderstorm that's never heard.

Silence.....

Unborn feelings

Or the grave of emotions.

Silence......

Lava under the surface  

Or glacier in the running water.

Silence......

Clouds that never rain

Or vapours that could never form cloud.

Silence.....

Reticent tears that fall from eyes

Or the noiseless loudest cry .

Silence....
Subtle and profound

feelings

Or the most beautiful response.

Silence....

Unwanted, unimportant, unsaid

Or could have mattered a lot when expressed!!!!

Loveology !!!

One day through the windows of my eyes
I saw you passing by.
The sight of your presence remained for longer
And my feelings for you grew stronger and stronger..

Since that day on 
You started travelling with my body along
Sometimes you would pass through my mind
And at the other in my ears as an echoing sound.

I tried blocking your way into my body and mind
Occupying the passage of your travel
In different activities of my earlier interests
But hardly any success I could find.
Your sight in my eyes
And your visit in my bodily abode
Became so frequent and permanent 
That I could barely close the windows of my eyes
As you would be always be running and passing by
In the corridors and hidden corners of my mind.

I don't remember the duration of your stay there
But one day I heard a knock on the door of my heart
I opened the door
And there you stood with everything that I ever wished for
You were allowed inside
With a promise that it's here that you are gonna forever reside.

Once in the heart
Every bit of you got pumped throughout my body
In every part and in every vein
In every pleasure and in every pain
A presence as inevitable as oxygen 
And now you are settled here forever
So much so that I can't identify
The YOU in ME
and the ME in I....!!!!!

Pink(2016) is a kind of movie that happens once in a while. The movie voices the problems and concerns of independent working women. The movie is an eye opener for the typical mindset of our society that asks women to be restricted in every possible way rather than teaching it's men to behave themselves. Our society goes by a simple rule- if you are a women, behave in a way which seems appropriate to men and still be their victims. Whereas men are free to do what they want, what they like and still intruding in women's life because they are not happy with theirs. The movie clearly brings out the facts that why as parents to a girl child people often hesitate or think quite a number of times for letting their girl have the freedom that their boys enjoy. If we are perfectly fine with men staying alone and working why is it so difficult for the society to accept a woman doing the same. If by chance and choice a woman chooses to be different she is labelled as someone inappropriate in code and conducts. The movie also beautifully demonstrates the double standards that the society has in dealing with a man and a woman. Why do women have a specific code of conduct while men can live the way they want without being judged and misinterpreted? Why a woman's NO and CONSENT is not taken into consideration? Why can't men take NO for an answer from women without being violent against them? Despite several hue and cry about equality, when are we actually going to treat men and women alike in every possible way? When are we going to understand a woman's identity as an individual and a human being rather than considering them as a mere object of sexual pleasure? In answer to these questions lies the answer to the cause and control of increasing number of acid attacks, rape, domestic violence and several other crimes against women. A must must must watch..

What if ?

Walking along the lines of conventional norms

Certain diversions are found
Leading to some unknown and unexplored land 
Dodged by the majority
Walked by a few who could 
Dare to dream and take risk
Of Walking through the untrodden ways.
I was inquisitive
To take the diversion
Instead of the road walked again and again
And do something which not everyone does.

"I would like to do what I want."
I told my near and dear ones.
But as i had already expected
My thoughts weren't welcomed.

"What are you talking about?"
"You can't even say such things being a girl."
"This is the most ridiculous thing we ever heard."
Came the responses aloud.

With this I had only two choices left
Either to walk on the over-walked road with everyone
Or take the diversion alone
And i had already made my plans
Of walking alone rather than
Being with people who hardly understand.
The road to the diversion had been arduous
But the journey equally gratifying than anything else.

Walking through the diversion 
I saw a whole new world
Which people usually miss
Because of the framework of societal constraints.
I met wonderful and happy people 
Who were not there to compete with people
As those who chose to walk that way
Were there to be with people.
And then i thought.....

What if i had given up before starting
What if i had lingered between do's and don'ts
What if i had listened to those holding me back
What if i had not responded to my inner voice

and..........
What if i had never tried !!!!

It's You Mom

My first love and my best friend for years
My first step and my lifeline
My first walk and my greatest companion
My first word and my entire world.

My biggest strength in my darkest fear
My loveliest smile when I am all in tears
My strongest pillar whenever I needed
My angel to have all negativity weeded.

My umbrella in the rain of despair
My shade in the scorching sunshine of  criticism
My shield against the dangers of the world
My support in my failure and the reason for my success.

I belong nowhere and to no one except you
I possess nothing but what all I got from you
I mean nothing without the shadow of your presence
Because I am nothing but your reflection in me.

The unconditional love you shower on me
Is beyond the depth of ocean and the limitless sky
The endless sacrifices that you made
The countless compromises that you did
The immeasurable support that you gave
Made me what I am.

Yes Mom. No matter where I go
It's YOU
It has always been YOU
And it will always be YOU !!!

WHY IS IT?

Why is it that anything that comes in

Takes away something precious that we have? 

Why is it that every time we choose something

We need to let go of something else? 

Why is it that when we really want something

We become ignorant about what all we already have?

Why is it that when we decide between the two

We elevate the importance of one and demean the other?

Why is it that when we lose something

Then only we get to realise what it meant to us?

Why is it that our tears decide our weakness and our laughter strength

When it's easy to laugh and difficult to cry?

Why is it that in our difficulties

We get support from people we hardly ever cared?

Why is it that we want something which we can't have

And never want what we already got?

Why is it that we tend to spend time in pleasing those for whom we hardly matter

And disrespect the feelings of the ones who matter to us?

Why is it that love is defined by the duration of stay of two people together

When the duration together doesn't necessarily mean togetherness? 

Why is it that every union

Means separation from someone else?

Why is it that to feel happy

We need to know what being unhappy is

But when we are loved

We never realise what being not loved would be like?

Draping a saree

The distance of 6 yards that I travel everyday

Reminds me of the situation I am in.

Symbolises the number of circles around me

Of people, relations and responsibilities.

Of the distance that I travel of self journey

But without covering any distance as such.

Of the circular movement

That is supposed to bring women's life to a full circle.

Of the various ways in which I need to bend, fold and adjust myself

To perfectly fit into the role I am supposed to.

Of the fact that there are things which are meant for me alone

Coz I am the sole carrier and bearer of culture in society.

And the number of identities I carry

With myself to justify that I am worth alive. 

Reading a Book

Like a book displayed in a store you distinguished me

Found my cover, title and volume interesting

Ran through my pages superficially to know me better

But all you saw were font, images and structure

And almost forgot about the content

Missing out the actual gist of me.

You thought you judged me enough like a book to buy it

And that if you happen to find out later

That I am not like you considered me to be

You would place me in a corner like a book

Never to open it again ever.

But let me tell you very precisely and clearly

Like the synopsis of the book mentioned on its cover

That like a book my soul resides in each and every word of it

Which holds my emotions, feelings, aspirations

And what I am beyond the words and sentences here and there.

Even if you get to own me like purchasing the book

Through a series of societal norms

You can only have my ownership

But not my copyright !!!!

A Woman on a Women's Day

Who am I?

A mother

A daughter

A sister

A wife

But alas! Still a woman.

My story?

From one home to another

From one world to another

From one master to another

And from one identity to another.

The only thing that never changed with the changing places

Is the fact that I remained a woman

And could never attain the strature and identity

Of a human.

What do I do?

I am free but with pre conditions that I am a woman

I can breathe but with a never ending realization that I am a woman

I can stand but always with support coz I am a woman

I have identity but relational coz apparently I can't exist alone.

I can dream but with a staunch reality that I am a woman.

I am alive but with a constant reminder that I am a woman.

Where do I find happiness?

My masters changed

But not my condition.

My home changed

But not my responsibilities.

My family changed

But not my story.

My identity changed

But not my fate as a woman.

My emancipation?

I am raped when I try using my freedom

I am beaten when I try raising my voice

I am suppressed when I try being equal

I am tortured when I try taking my stand

I am proved that I am a woman every time I try being more than a woman.

Where do I belong?

The place where I stayed for 9 months?

No. A place where my identity as a girl is not yet known.

The place where I was born?

No. A place where I thank God everyday that at least I was born.

The place where I got my life partner?

No. A place where I do not interfere with the life of my partner.

I belong to the place

Which lies exactly before life and after death.

But the question that remains unanswered is

If that is where I belong

Why being born as a woman?

Why being woman?

Who am I ?

Who am I?
The pillar of your strength
Or the base of your existence.

Who am I?
The biggest enemy of your ego
Or your greatest fear.

Who am I?
The ocean of your pleasures
Or the mountain of my own emotions.

Who am I?
The freedom of my mind
Or the slave of your thoughts.

Who am I?
The shadow of your identity
Or a picture in the frame of your needs.

Who am I?
Your lifeline
Or just a life forced to live for you.

Who am I?
The flood of your desires
Or the drought of my choices.

Who am I?
The dressed up and decorated me
Or the naked you.

Who am I?
The I in me
Or the me in you.

Who am I?
Your better half as they call it
Or the other side of you
Which needs me to exist. 

A Valentines' Confession

When I say I adore you

I don't know why.

Is it your beauty

Or is it my idea of beauty defined by you.

When I say I have fallen for you

I don't know about what.

Is it the way I feel incomplete without you

Or is it that I just can't imagine myself without you.

When I say I like you

I don't know how.

Is it your thoughts that come to my mind in anything I do

Or is it that whatever I like has something to do with you.

When I say I wanna spend my life with you

I don't know till when

If there is something called eternity

I would like you to be by my side until then.

When I say I love you

I don't know since when

Was it at the first glimpse of you

Or is it that I fall in love with you over and over again

Whenever I think about you !!!

Who are we?

We are not what we speak about

We are what we actually couldn't speak up.

We are not what we can never do

We are what all we dare to do.

We are not what we want to be

We are what we become.

We are not what we act

We are what we dream.

We are not what we were born with

We are what we achieve before we die.

We are not what we earn

We are what we yearn for.

We are not what we show

We are what we remain within.

We are not what we react

We are what we reflect.

We are not what we love

We are what effort we take to sustain it.

We are not what we are scared of 

We are how we overcome our greatest fear.

We are not what the world look at us as

We are what we look at the world as.

We are not what we wake up as

We are what we sleep with.

We are not what we are to others

We are what we are to us !!!!

Like Never Before

In the mirror of your eyes

I saw myself like never before.

In the sound of your voice

I heard myself like never before.

In the circle of your hands around me

I felt myself like never before.

In the gush of your breath

I smelt myself like never before.

In the room of your heart

I found myself like never before.

In the shadow of your presence

I am myself like never before.

NAMELESS

You the day

I the night

I the dark

You the light.

You the loud narration

I the untold story.

You the tap sound

I the foot mark.

You the eye

I the tears.

You the outcome

I the labour.

You the necessity

I the needless.

You the existent

I the survivor.

You the reality

I the illusion.

You choose

I am chosen.

In my trouble

Lies your pleasure

In my weakness

Lies your strength.

You the limitless sky

I the confined boundary.

You the name

I the nameless.

You the human

I the woman.

Art of Life

Always strive to live your life in such a way that when you are on your deathbed and look back at your life, you realize that your life couldn't have been better than the one you lived through. People on deathbed tend to remember their regrets more than their accomplishments and achievements. So, it is better to have a life with no regrets than having a life full of achievements.